Hey guys! Long time no blog post, but I decided to put something up since it's easier to work on it on-the-go with my phone rather than vlogs. So while vlogs are going through a long process right now, I decided to use the blog.
As many of you may already know, I'm always busy! And only getting busier. Not that it's a bad thing, but sometimes I need a breather...
It's not that I work every single day of the week. I have two days off (though it could change depending how things continue). But recently I haven't be able to relax on those two days off because I have other business to take care of. Don't get me wrong! I love my job, but it gets tough and I'm starting to feel really exhausted and I space out a lot to the point where I draw blanks. I think mainly it’s because my body isn't fully accustomed to the new routine? I don't know.
For those that may not know: I'm an English teacher in Japan and that is my main job, but I have other side jobs and projects I work on with a team as well. Ever since I came to Japan, I've been getting so many opportunities from left to right. It started 3 years ago and still going!!! I'm truly thankful for the people who help me and to our connections, but at the same time a part of me thinks I'm taking most of the opportunities for something else...
I just can't say "no" without overthinking things. I don't know what it is. And this is something I'm trying to change, but can't fully...and that is always making other people happy first and I'm coming in last. That is something I've recently been noticing. When I take all these opportunities, I feel so proud of myself and other people are proud of me too. This has never happened before in my life. Before I came to Japan, I was always that girl who wasn't so bright and couldn't do absolutely anything right...so being here turned me into something I'd never imagined and I wanted to prove people wrong. I'm scared to fail people and myself. And this might sound ridiculous but people are like selling me (omg not what you think lol)...with my skills, my image, and my name to bring in more business and to expand. Now, when I say it like that it sounds bad, but it isn't exactly BAD. You might think I'm being used, but really I'm not. The process is just...I have to bare with a lot of things, a lot of things that can evolve to stress. I love being in my working environment, but I also love being around the people I love. Sometimes I don't have time to interact with them...and that part slowly drifts away, but I‘ve tried so hard recently to always manage to catch up to it again.
The people around me take really good care of me. They care about my health and my well-being, but I'm the one at fault for not telling them how I physically and mentally feel. I don't like worrying people and I don't want them to stop everything that’s going well because of me. I'm scared of me ever ruining everyone's hard work.
What I'm trying to say and what I'm trying to keep telling myself, is that being busy is good, it keeps you on your feet and gets your brain moving. But we shouldn't have to think what other people think. We can't please everyone. We should do what makes us happy. We also need to remember to make a balance with everything. It can be REALLY hard, I know, but it's something that has to be done. If you don't, you're just going to lose a big part of something you'll forever regret. I don't want it to always be business. That’s why I make myself see my friends/family. Because I know when I see them, that's when I feel relaxed and not stressed. That's when I feel at home and at peace. And just that really helps me to separate myself from the business world.
Anyways, I really should stop ranting and move on lol. Let's lighten the mood a little and move into vlogs. I'm still not giving it up! But I want to limit myself after all...I try to work and edit them once a week, but it's been impossible so I'm thinking once or twice a month considering how it goes. So, I will basically put everything together within what happened in that month. I hope you all understand. My friends were sad haha but it can't be helped unless I were to hire someone to edit for me, but I'm not exactly a known YouTuber so that's out of the question LOL. And this isn’t a job for me. It’s a hobby. We will see how it goes. The routine may change again. Like I said, I’m trying to change some things and want to try to relax when I can get even the tiniest chance. Being a workaholic is exhausting! So that’s all for now. Until next time~
